Hyggelig

Hey Ali! Just finished writing your letter. My fingertips have ink all over.

Also, I found a lot of old papers so I’m purging them from my notebook. Some highlights:

• “It doesn’t have to be perfect, you just have to feel something.”
• “Do away with hopelessness.”
• “Marilyn Monroe and a subway grate - ‘That’s love’.
• “Green silhouette like a mood ring in limbo. Back-lit by her own self-reflection of confidence. She reeks of danger with a gaze fixed with comfort. Red fingernails warm her touch and match rose cheeks. Such fascinating demeanor with a humor of inappropriate wit. Imagine the glow of this girl.”
• “Sleep on inspiration, dream with determination.”
• “The clover of Founders way. Luck of the path.”
• “Dogs dealing delectable delights do daring, dangerous doughnuts.” Cupcake-selling stunt dogs.

Time now to practice the cello, finish cleaning my room, make dinner and watch the Devils beat the Rangers!

Weekend Update

My week built a lot of strong energy in my favor. The dualistic experience of having good and bad days really made me appreciate the past 7 days. Friday was a short work day with a meeting at 4 in Boston that led to a morale-boosting bar crawl. We made it three bars and way too many free drinks later before I parted ways with the Budweiser crew. I head off into town with my best friend from NY to meet up with my cousins; who were in town for a graduation. Don’t remember much after a few rounds and racked up a sizable bar bill after taking care of the bill - love being able to pick up a bill now. I’ve come a long way from sweating out paychecks and bouncing around a temp agency. Reminds me of worse times, and certainly of worse days this week. I closed a few days at the restaurant this week and added another 20+ hours to a 40-hour work week. Still, I love what I do, and I’m making money/a legitimate living doing so. Spent Saturday at Earthfest, a concert that featured Eve 6, 3EB, Switchfoot, and the Spin Doctors. Over 100,000 people stopped by through the day and it was terrific people-watching. I sipped beers by the Charles River and blew bubbles up to the sky, baking in the hot sun. It felt great to commune with so many happy people. Today was spent with family congratulating a graduate, while also saying goodbye to another cousin for the next two years.

It’s been a great week and I’m really excited for Thursday.

I’m home for Mother’s Day. We’ve decided to skip going out to brunch and having sandwiches delivered to the house, sitting by the pool and having our own picnic. That way we have unlimited drinks and we don’t have to drive!

I currently have a cute cat on my lap but I desperately need to shower and get moving. I just ‘brokebacked’ her, “I wish I knew how to quit (petting) you!”

Happy Drinko de Mayo!

Just worked from 10am-midnight through the Derby and the Cinco rushes. It was hell, but I made good money. Went to a Rubblebucket show last night and they were fucking awesome. I was so glad I was able to go with a friend and enjoy great live music. I love when a band features 1. a strong female voice 2. a horn section 3. kickass synth. Anyways, it’s off to bed for the night - work tomorrow morning 10-5.

Heads up, world. I bought chocolate shake protein whey stuff today at the grocery store. So…that means I’m pretty into fitness and my body and things like that.

Update

Quick update: I’ve been busy! The job with Anheuser is amazing and the people I work with are all such excellent people. I’m having a lot of fun exploring the city by van and mixing with different people on a daily basis. At night I go into the restaurant and continue the serving job which gives me cash on top of a great paycheck. I love my interactions with everyone, the money is great, my jobs are awesome, and I love being busy. Weekends are fun when I have the time to enjoy them and when I’m working, at least I’m saving money.

I don’t have much time for tumblr updates or fun things on here so sorry for a lack of posts. I’ll resume my usual content when I get the chance. If you want to get in touch with me just send me a message and I can get back to you through here or by snail mail (which I prefer). Just send me an address.

I have issues with

1. love
2. trust
3. affection from others
4. letting people in
5. memories
6. my parents
7. physical boundaries
8. letting go
9. victimization
10. pleasing others before myself

That is a list of the things I need help with.

Dream Analysis

wabi-sabi-hygge:

Last night was the awakening to a series of small realities. I experienced moments of clarity throughout my day that truly told me of the power I possess these days. I accept these charges moving forward and hope to develop a stronger sense of self.

My dreams came as a series of small occurrences like short stories. I would wake up briefly either with a quick jolt or a confused haze before slipping back into a subconscious reality.

Read More

There are days like months, like years; just like this one.

There are days when I am myself; beyond all complications and identity crises. These are the good days; when I stare at the roofs of buildings, sky-light beaming down on my warm cheeks. The wind will curl my smile and each step has its own bravado and residual encore. My thoughts are mine, and mine alone, with an inattentive concern for those who claim novelty over philosophical musings. Tremendous inspiration and creativity comes from these days and it reminds me how unique my position is in this world. “I’m young, I’m alive, I’m able,” repeat.

There are days when mantras, words, repetition, give way to feelings. These days are also good days, but only in retrospective self-reflection. More happens within my chest than I’m able to understand and the thinly-veiled wound is undressed to the elements. I feel alive, aware of my singular position in an incomplete story that I have yet to finish. A character in search of an author.

There are more days that come and go, as is apt to happen with a setting sun and a rising moon. Tuesdays and Sundays will pass when I forget how long it’s been since I’ve enjoyed a good book or ate pastries. I’ll remember reading about travels on a motorcycle and the metaphysical quandaries of contemplating insanity. This will remind me of my own stories; of travel abroad and a personal narrative. I’ll remember St. Peter’s bakery in Copenhagen and the cinnamon rolls every Sunday. These days are months.

There are days I remember as clear as yesterday and as certain as the present moment. These days are filled with equal parts feeling and expository characterization. Some of them remind me how it is that good days come about while; others speak volumes about the danger in repetition. I realize I’ve been stuck for a very long time feeling victimized, sorry for myself, and deflated of the life-force I rightly deserve. These are years, and they make me wise beyond days; beyond months.

There are days like months, like years; just like this one. Today is a good day.

My life is busy these days. It’s good. It’s stressful. I like the pace, but I miss my free time to myself.

He paused for a moment to catch a scent in the air. With his eyes closed, he inhaled the sun as it burned above him. He inhaled the sound of traffic speeding by and the footsteps of young children as they passed by his window. He inhaled, and with that breath came a wind that rustled leaves and played with the tiny hairs on his head. There was a taste in his lungs now, like sharp clouds that cut through new air and burst water at their seams. He was flooded, and all at once his head craved fire.

Thesis Progress

In order to complete this thesis to be bound in leather and added to my University library I need to finish writing and editing it by tonight. So far I have about 68 pages, 45 sources, over 175 individual citations, and 2 graphs. I still have to write two intros and conclusions, a segue, add in 2 transcriptions of interviews, a piece on positionality, and one on the benefits of global studies as a major.

I’m stressed.

In the Next 24 Hours…

I will put myself through hell finishing 4 years of research and analysis on multiculturalism, especially as it relates to Denmark and the integration of Islamic immigrants into a homogeneous culture of ‘Danishness’. So far I have around 50 pages of unedited work, typed in single-space, 12 point Times New Roman with Chicago citation. What I need:

• Positionality
• Danish Cartoon Case
• Explanation of culture
• Multicultural theory
• Althusserian theory of ideology
• MIPEX index of integration policy
• Interview transcription of Islamic immigrants, Danish converted imam Pederson, and Danish teach of immigrant children
• Transcription of DPP assessment of immigrant cultures as ‘backwards’
• SOPEMI 2010 Denmark
• Self-censorship/multiculturalism/cultural relativity

Haven’t pulled an all-nighter in a long time. LESGO!